My Georgia drivers license expires Saturday. My twenty-second birthday.

I am having some serious separation anxiety over this entire process. It’s so definitive. It makes my mother hate me more, I’m sure, which sometimes I don’t think is quite possible, but surprise, it is. Maybe it isn’t “hate” necessarily, but it’s serious disdain for my choices and I don’t want much more, but maybe a sprinkling of understanding now and then would be nice. That’s all. Just a sprinkling.

I can’t find my Social Security card which impedes the drivers license obtainment. They “need” my SS card to “process” the “application” and get me my new “drivers” license.

B.S.

So tomorrow first thing is a trip to the Social Security Administration (whose business hours are 9-4—holy what?) to get a “printout” that they can use to “issue” me a drivers license. Yeah, right. If it were that simple, it’d be simple. Like raising a kid.

I’ve been driving for 7 years. I have to take a written test which just doesn’t seem right. If I have to take one, you have to take one, too. Maybe we could carpool.

From the handbook:
“Never leave your vehicle until you have set the emergency brake, stopped the motor, removed the ignition key and locked the doors.”

The question I have for you, Utah: How, praytell, do you suggest I LEAVE MY CAR WITH THE DOORS LOCKED?

I understand, children. I get the fact that it’s all about the leaving the car physically. But the wording is sick and wrong. Let’s explore.

If you are leaving the car while you are outside of the car, how are you going to set the emergency brake? And if you are in the car, how are you going to lock the doors and then go?

I just don’t know if I can handle this anymore.