This is the first year I won’t receive a meticulously-wrapped Hallmark Keepsake ornament from my Grandma S. It would have been cat-themed. Or say something about “#1 Granddaughter.” And there’d be a gift tag. With her painfully-arthritic handwriting. “To: Ashley,” and, “From: Grandma.” She’d mail it.

I could write an essay on how it makes me feel and how much I miss her now that she’s gone. It’s been 7 months.

But I couldn’t ever do any justice to the way she lived and who she was and just how much it is that I wish I could call her for a smile and for how happy she would be in knowing I was thinking about her.

“Oh sweetheart, I love you. Oh Ashley I love you.”

I can still hear her and I don’t want to forget how it sounded to have someone so purely in love with the surprise of my voice.