Simply put: I love you. Have my babies. As a friend. In a platonic way.

During Anniversary, philosophy offered a 32 oz. amazing grace shampoo, bath & shower gel for $25. You’ll notice that the 16 oz. is regularly $22. So, um, hello, that Anniversary offer was quite a steal.

On the next-to-last day, I sent my mom a-wanderin’ to the philosophy counter at Perimeter’s Nordstrom to purchase my GARGANTUANLY inexpensive amazingly gracearrific love. The “consultant” or whatever they’re called said they’d sold out most everywhere, so she could pay then and they’d ship it to the house. From somewhere like Hawaii, where I guess they don’t like their grace to be amazing.

‘Cept it never showed.

After a week I called. I was put on hold a lot. Then, oh then, I met Lisa. She sadly informed me that they’d sold out nationwide, that nary an amazing grace was to be had. I said huh, that kind of would have been nice to know, you know, Lisa? Lisa said Yes, Ashley, it really would have been nice for you to know and it was Wrong, Very Wrong, for the consultant to neglect to follow up. She apologized profusely, said she’d have some Words with the consultant, and then …

Lisa said she would send me presents.

And now I will stalk love Lisa for the rest of my philosophically amazingly graced life, forever and ever amen.